Connect with us

Magazines

CLIFTONIA: THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION

Published

on


“What is a constitution? A constitution is an avenue. It is often located in a federal capital. It goes from left to right and north to south. You can drive over it with ease anytime you want. It is protected on either side by footpaths that are regularly trod upon by citizenry who cannot afford motorised means of transport. It is surrounded by enormous buildings of legislation, justice and diplomacy.

“It is only important for those individuals who have nothing to do. For men of action and consequence, it is nothing more than a hindrance. It hinders them and, in turn, they hinder it right back, because men of action do not take crap from anyone or anything.

“We must all learn to be men of action… especially the women amongst us.”

— Industrialist, Politician and WhatsApp Man of Letters Jimmy Jirga, to his 12-year-old son, Pherause Caan

“Ipso facto, a constitution is a document of great import. However, should the judiciary deem it otherwise, it can also assume the shape of an obstreperous obstacle, which must be placed within such constraints as found necessary by their lordships, commanders of the judicial galaxy and masters of all they survey.

“As a document, it is merely a set of rules and regulations that have been agreed upon by a group of beautifully fragranced individuals. These laws do not necessarily apply to this group, unless said laws are in a position to benefit said individuals. The regulations laid therein also have no impact upon the state of non-humans and inanimate objects within the republic.

“However, like a well-oiled corporate entity, every country must bear the burden of a constitution, if it is to exist in today’s modern world. This has become necessary due to the world being run mostly by socialist feminist transgenders, placed in positions of power and prestige by the deep state, in order to wreak havoc over the world that has been so painstakingly created by wealthy but powerless, strong but weak, unaccountable but selfless, affluent, heterosexual men, who have been blessed with all the knowledge that is contained in — to quote the late, great Peter Cook — “the universe and all that surrounds it.”

“As a member of the Supremes, I am given the opportunity to interpret the constitution any which way I wish. I am also blessed with the ability to uphold my judicial principles at my convenience and pass judgements, wind and water, as and when I desire.

“Ergo, it is something that plays an important part in my life, despite trying my best not to let it. But it gives me a pension. And free post-retirement travel. And pays for my utilities. And security. And a staff member or two. And also, I get to keep the gown even when I am no longer part of the Supremes. So, there is that.”

— Legal Eagle and Member of the Supremes Justice Ifti 2.0, addressing members at the Supreme Court Bar Association

 “What is a constitution, you ask? I swear upon it and at it. It is nothing but a piece of paper, which I can tear and throw in the dustbin if I so desire. I like its malleability, as it can be easily suspended, amended and even held in abeyance at a distance if it smells foul (which it often does). It is an impediment to efficient ruling, but does have the ability to make one immune. And that is not such a bad thing in times like these, where all kinds of strange, democratic viruses are rife.”

— Brig (forcibly retd) Babar ‘Bobby’ Niazi, in the recently released documentary Dinner With An Autocratic Babydoll

“A constitution is a waste of time. It has things in it which make no sense. I am told it can be changed. But then, why put something in it that would have to be changed later? This kind of thinking never happens in the corporate world. Evil people use it to run their evil system. That is why leaders like me are sent by the gods to take down the system from within.

“I will do whatever it is in my power to do whatever it is in my power. This is what being a billionaire means. It also means that any document that provides rights to those who don’t deserve them (ie non-billionaires) must be shamed, ridiculed, mocked, made redundant and, subsequently, officially destroyed. It is the least I can do for my followers.”

— Businessman, Politician and Cliftonian Emblem of Masculinity and Erudition Doland J. Drumpf, in a special edition of Forbes 80 under 80.

“Men are not robots and robots need no constitution, just programming. When it works for me, then fine, I say, keep it. But when it stops working, throw it away like a bottle top before they catch you!”

— Cliftonian Messiah, Saviour and Intellectual Pin-up National Icon&Hope Nazir Jr, in Vogue Cliftonia

Farid Alvie was born. He currently lives.
He’s on Instagram @faridalvie

Published in Dawn, EOS, November 30th, 2025



Source link

Continue Reading
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Magazines

The weekly weird

Published

on


Coffee-stealing parrot captured at a cafe

www.huffingtonpost.com, www.upi.com, www.apnews.com
www.huffingtonpost.com, www.upi.com, www.apnews.com

Police in Seoul were called to a cafe in Yangpyeong-dong after a loose parrot was spotted stealing coffee from customers.

The friendly yellow-crowned Amazon parrot, native to Central America and an endangered species, was fed snacks by the owner while authorities arrived.

Officials are working to identify the bird’s owner; if it cannot be returned, it will be cared for at a government animal facility.

1939 Superman No. 1 sells for record $9.12 million

www.huffingtonpost.com, www.upi.com, www.apnews.com
www.huffingtonpost.com, www.upi.com, www.apnews.com

A 1939 copy of SupermanNo. 1 sold for a record-breaking $9.12 million, making it the world’s most expensive comic book.

Found by a Northern California family while clearing their late mother’s attic, the comic was graded 9.0 by CGC, the highest known for this issue.

One of only seven copies rated 6.0 or higher, it surpassed the previous $6 million record set in 2024 by Action Comics No. 1. Heritage Auctions hailed the sale as a milestone in pop culture collecting.

Turkeys offer comfort, not just dinner

www.huffingtonpost.com, www.upi.com, www.apnews.com
www.huffingtonpost.com, www.upi.com, www.apnews.com

At The Gentle Barn in Tennessee, rescued animals, including turkeys, are part of a unique therapy programme that helps people connect and find comfort.

Visitors like Jordan Gullotta have cuddled turkeys such as Smudge, discovering the birds’ affectionate, intelligent and calm nature. Founder Ellie Laks explains that turkeys are often misunderstood as unintelligent, but they can provide one-on-one attention similar to dogs, cats and horses.

The 60 animals at the farm have all been rescued from poor living conditions or abuse, with some needing special care like acupuncture or wheelchairs. The farm offers year-round therapy sessions, holiday events and opportunities for people to sponsor rescued animals to help with care costs.

The world’s largest afro

www.huffingtonpost.com, www.upi.com, www.apnews.com
www.huffingtonpost.com, www.upi.com, www.apnews.com

Jessica L. Martinez of New York has been certified by Guinness World Records for the largest afro on a living female, measuring 6 feet, 2.87 inches in circumference. She received the title from her predecessor, Aevin Dugas, who held it for 15 years.

Martinez’s afro stands 11.42 inches tall and 12.2 inches wide. She stopped straightening her hair in college and went “cold-turkey,” embracing her natural curls. The record required a team of three to measure her hair, and Martinez described the achievement as “absolutely incredible.”

Published in Dawn, Young World, December 6th, 2025



Source link

Continue Reading

Magazines

Book review : Who was Edgar Allan Poe? – Newspaper

Published

on



Edgar Allan Poe was an American writer who lived in the 1800s and made a name for himself as the “father” of several story genres, such as detective stories, science fiction and spooky horror tales. In his lifetime, he became famous primarily because of one poem, The Raven, but there was more to the great author/poet than many know.

This book, Who Was Edgar Allan Poe? by Jim Gigliotti, helps young readers learn more about Poe’s life and why his stories often feel dark or sad.

The book, filled with illustrations by Tim Foley, takes you back to a time when life was tough, especially for actors and immigrants like Poe’s parents.

Poe’s life wasn’t easy. He lost both his parents when he was just two years old and was adopted by a family in Virginia. He loved his foster mother very much, but his foster father wanted to control his future.

Poe attended boarding school on the insistence of his foster father and later joined the army to seek a stable job, but deep down he knew he wanted to be a writer more than anything else.

And he became a great one! Poe created the first fictional detective ever, C. Auguste Dupin, who inspired the famous Sherlock Holmes. He also helped shape the genres of science fiction and modern horror.

Some of his most famous stories include The Fall of the House of Usher, The Masque of the Red Death and The Tell-Tale Heart.

The book explains where Poe got his ideas and how his difficult life, losing his mother, foster mother and later his wife, shaped the sad tone of many of his stories.

It also describes the strange and mysterious way he died at age 40, a mystery that still puzzles people today.

At the end of the book, there are two timelines: one showing the events of Poe’s life and another showing what was happening in the world around him.

Even though Poe had many critics during his lifetime and after his death, his writing proved his true talent. Today, the Edgar Allan Poe Awards are given every year to honour the best mystery writers, keeping his legacy alive nearly 200 years later.

Published in Dawn, Young World, December 6th, 2025



Source link

Continue Reading

Magazines

Story time : Spread awareness – Newspaper

Published

on



Illustration by Sumbul

Hurain was sitting in the lounge with her parents, her eyes glued to the TV screen. It read BREAKING NEWS: “Climate change is at its peak.” Sighs followed as her parents watched the news with dread.

“Why all that sighing? Surely, there were no floods, droughts or heatwaves in a quiet town like ours. What was climate change about that?” She wondered, oblivious to her naivety.

Her mother called, “Hurain, come along, I have some shopping to do.” She ran up to her mother and immediately put on her shoes. The market was just two streets away, so they walked.

As soon as they stepped outside, Hurain felt the haze; her eyes became all puffy with water, and she felt as if needles were pinning her throat. Her mother noticed this, gave her a mask and explained, “Do you know this is because of smog?

Hurain coughed, “Ughh… the smog?”

Mother continued, “This haze you see is smog. The smog comes from big polluted cities and spreads to small towns like ours, one of the influences of climate change. The effects are cough and respiratory diseases. But, sadly, no one takes caution, thinking it’s not that serious.” At this, she lowered her head in dismay.

Hurain, absorbing all of this, was shocked. “Why do people not take this seriously?” she asked.

“That’s because people learn things the hard way,” explained her mother, and pointed to the fish market they were entering.

She had been a frequent visitor to the fish market, but never had there been fewer fish than she saw that day. She was looking around at the familiar carts when she overheard the shopkeeper “This is becoming a terrible business. With fewer fish every time, how are we going to survive?”

The other replied, “Yes, I heard rising sea temperatures due to climate change and also man-made disasters are the biggest cause of fewer fish.”

Her heart sank and she wondered, ‘No more fish?’ That was her favourite winter meal!

After buying the stuff they needed, they headed back home. Her mother looked at the gloomy face of her daughter and asked the reason. Hurain disclosed her concern about what she heard in the market.

In response, her mother’s eyes sparkled as she said, “We may not be able to stop it all that is taking place in the environment by ourselves, but we can spread awareness by telling everyone to prevent the risks of climate change. Start by spreading it to your friends and community.

“You like drawing, don’t you? You can make posters and hang them all around,” her mother encouraged her.

Her mother’s words left a profound impact on Hurain and she became determined to spread awareness through any means.

Climate change is not just about the disasters we normally associate with. It has now become a part of our lives, without us realising it.

Dear fellow readers, it is up to us to take small steps to fight it and protect our environment.

Let’s draw a poster, tell a friend, raise awareness and help save our planet!

Published in Dawn, Young World, December 6th, 2025



Source link

Continue Reading

Trending