Hi Auntie,

I am writing with a lingering confusion about a connection from my university days that still troubles me.

Nearly eight years ago, during our first semester, I met a student in a shared course and we soon developed a close academic friendship. Over four years, we studied together, formed teams, participated in competitions and supported each other. We also talked about our personal lives.

I have always been a somewhat literary, playful person, often expressing myself through sarcasm and poetry. I sometimes wrote verses for her, which she seemed to appreciate. There were moments when it felt as if she subtly encouraged me to express deeper feelings, though she also maintained that whatever this bond was, it should remain within some limits.

Like many close friendships, ours had misunderstandings and temporary fallouts. We even blocked and unblocked each other a few times, but somehow returned to our companionship.

After graduation, we entered our professional lives and stayed in touch online. About a year later, I realised my feelings had deepened and I began expressing them more openly. She responded with sarcasm and never clearly accepted or rejected my feelings.

‘Should I Apologise Now For Crossing A Line In The Past?’

Then one day, during an Eid conversation, I repeatedly asked her to share a picture as an Eid gift. She declined jokingly, but I kept insisting. Suddenly, she blocked me on WhatsApp. I felt as though I had unknowingly crossed a line and appeared disrespectful. Hurt and embarrassed, I reacted by blocking her everywhere else and cutting off all contact.

It has now been a year. I recently learned she has gone abroad for higher studies. Although I am doing well professionally, I often feel guilty and wonder if I should apologise for my persistence that day.

Now I’m confused, should I send a simple apology to clear my conscience, or let the past remain where it ended.

Mr Confused

Dear Mr Confused,

You have spent a long time thinking about one moment.

It seems like the two of you had a genuine friendship but it also sounds like you and she were not on the same page. You developed feelings while she was comfortable keeping things within limits.

Such friendships are lopsided. One person begins hoping for more while the other keeps things exactly where they are. Over time, even small things like your Eid conversation can feel different to the person who is already uncomfortable.

Your persistence about the photo made her uncomfortable and she chose to draw a line. It could be that her discomfort was building up but she hadn’t expressed it. Once she blocked you, you did the right thing by stepping back. You did not become a harasser.

As for whether you should apologise, the answer depends on what you are trying to achieve. If you truly feel you made her uncomfortable and would like to acknowledge that, you could send her a message but only if you don’t ask for anything in return. No request for explanation and no expectation of a reply. Just a simple apology. At the same time, it is also okay to leave things as they are. Every relationship doesn’t need a closing conversation.

For now, you need to stop dwelling on this.  So, you were a young man who developed feelings for a classmate. That is not a crime. The real task now is to leave this in the past and allow yourself to move forward without guilt.

Published in Dawn, EOS, May 15th, 2024

Many fruit trees offer value primarily for their produce — food for humans and animals or fodder for poultry. In comparison, the produce of the coconut tree offers a variety of benefits.

The fibrous husk alone offers a surprising range of uses, including making the coconut buoyant. This layer, known as the mesocarp, contains coir fibres and its air pockets make it an effective organic medium for seeds and seedlings. Commonly known as cocopeat, it is sold at plant nurseries and seed stores. Cocopeat is also added to soil for improving nutrients, water retention and aeration.

From the fibrous husk that becomes a growing medium or a doormat, to the shell carved into bowls and souvenirs, to the leaves that thatch roofs and sweep courtyards, few plants offer as much as the coconut palm

The husk of the coconut is also used to prepare biodegradable foot mats, packing bags, brushes, brooms and ropes. In addition, it can be used as nests for poultry and pet birds, while dried husk can be used as combustible material for cooking. The coconut shell can also be used as bowls or spoons. You might have come across baskets made of coconut leaflets. Hats, brooms and mats are also made from dried coconut leaflets. Dried leaves are also used as shading for roof structures.

During my school days, the sweeper would sweep the concrete school grounds with a massive, dried coconut tree leaf. The length of the leaf covers more ground per stroke, making it both faster and more effective than a conventional broom. Many decorative pieces are crafted from coconut shell or husk. Some typical souvenirs sold in Sri Lanka include miniature elephants or monkeys carved from coconut shell.

A coconut that has fallen from a tree and landed on suitable ground will quickly germinate and turn into a small plant. Tropical conditions, including temperatures ranging between 25 and 30 degrees Celsius and a moist environment are ideal for the plant’s growth. In the early stages, germination is sustained by the nutrients within the fruit, with the coconut water providing essential nourishment. This early self-sustaining phase can last from a few weeks to several months. As the plant begins to develop, the soil underneath takes over nourishment responsibilities for the nascent plant through its young roots.

At the base of the coconut — the end by which it is attached to the tree — are three spots. These spots are called the eyes of the coconut. Coconut water is extracted by piercing one of the eyes. After germination and during early stages of growth, a sharp green shoot emerges out from one of these eyes, splitting the shell in the process. Depending upon conditions, a coconut may take between three and six months to germinate. In the early stages, the first leaf of the coconut tree is a single leaf without any separate leaflets.

The coconut plant should be placed where it receives direct sunlight throughout the day. The coconut plant is water-intensive, which is why it is usually found near coastlines, rivers and other water sources. The plant has to be watered regularly, with the surrounding soil kept consistently moist. Finally, the plant should be provided with an appropriate amount of nitrogen-rich fertiliser in the early stages of its life cycle.

Growing a coconut palm is relatively easier when a germinated small plant is purchased from a nursery or seed store. Once it has reached the height of around two feet and sprouted between three and six leaves, it can be transplanted to its permanent location. At that time, the age of the plant is likely to be between eight months and one year, by which point it will have developed both a stronger root system and greater resilience.

Published in Dawn, EOS, May 15th, 2024

Ma’amoul, a shortbread biscuit made with sooji [semolina flour] and typically filled with a date paste, can be found at most celebratory occasions across the Arab world, such as weddings, Eid, Christmas and Easter. For Eid, the biscuit is usually made a few days ahead and served to guests along with coffee. While dates are the most popular filling, other variations include walnuts, pistachios or figs.

According to food historians, ma’amoul is believed to have ‘evolved’ from kleicha, which has its origins in ancient Mesopotamia (present-day Iraq). Kleicha can be traced back to qullupu, a crescent-shaped biscuit made by Sumerians 12,000 years ago, for festive events such as New Years and to celebrate Ishtar, the goddess of fertility.

>The Ma’amoul biscuit is a favourite go-to for celebrations across the Middle East

Most people have surplus dates left in their pantries at the end of Ramazan; what better way to use them up than to make ma’amoul? This Eid, bake a biscuit that has been used to mark celebrations for thousands of years and bite into history.

Ma’amoul

Crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside, this biscuit is a perfect blend of different textures and flavours. The biscuit can be made a few days ahead and stored in an air-tight container. Dates are the easiest and most popular filling to make but feel free to go for a more indulgent one, such as walnut or pistachio (recipes for all pastes given below). Traditionally, powdered sugar is dusted on the biscuit but skip this step if you don’t like your biscuits too sweet.

Ingredients (Makes 24 Biscuits)

For the ma’amoul biscuit

1½ cup of ghee

2 cups sooji [semolina flour]

1 cup white/all-purpose flour

½ tablespoon cinnamon powder

½ teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon granulated sugar

½ cup or as needed milk

¼ teaspoon instant dry yeast

For the date paste

1 cup of dates

1 teaspoon ghee

1 tablespoon rose water (dissolve rose syrup such as Rooh Afza or Jam-e-Shirin in water)

1 tablespoon roasted sesame seeds

For the pistachio filling

2 cups pistachios

½ teaspoon ghee

1 tablespoon rose water

For the walnut filling

2 cups of walnuts

½ teaspoon ghee

1 teaspoon granulated sugar

½ teaspoon cinnamon

For decoration

Powdered sugar (optional)

Method

1. Make thebiscuit dough. Melt the ghee in a saucepan. In a mixing bowl, add and fold in all the dry ingredients except for the instant yeast. Add the melted ghee a bit at a time and stir well until a crumbly mixture forms and has the texture of sand. Cover in cling film and put aside.

2. Heat milk in a microwave or on the stove (milk should be lukewarm and not too hot or boiling, otherwise it will kill the yeast). Add the yeast to the tepid milk and set aside to let it bloom. Add the milk-yeast mixture to the semolina mixture. Keep on rubbing the crumbs together until a dough forms. Add more milk as needed. The dough should be soft but not too wet. If the dough is sticky, add a teaspoon of flour and if dry, add milk. Adjust accordingly. Roll dough into ball.

3. Sprinkle flour on a flat surface or a large, flat pan. Scoop out around a tablespoon and shape into a small round ball. Repeat this step until all the dough is finished. There should be around 24 to 25 pieces/biscuits.

4. Make the paste filling (date, pistachio or walnut). Mix all the ingredients in a blender and set aside in a bowl.

5. Flatten the small dough ball and make a deep indentation in the center by pressing down with your thumb. Scoop in a tablespoon of date/pistachio/walnut paste. Pinch the dough from all sides until the biscuit is sealed.

6. Decorate the biscuit either by pressing in a ma’amoul mould (a wooden biscuit mould) or by hand, using a fork to press lines along the biscuit.

7. Preheat oven to 250 degrees Celsius. Spread oil or butter on a flat baking tray. Sprinkle with flour. This should prevent the biscuits from sticking on tray. Place the ma’amoul on tray and bake for 15 to 20 minutes or until done.

8. Put on rack to cool. Dust with powdered sugar if desired. Serve with Turkish coffee or tea.g

The writer is a former staff member

Published in Dawn, EOS, May 15th, 2024